Back in February Handsomepants and I were on our way home to Connecticut from a chilly visit with friends in Portland, Maine. Our friend, Annemarie, was travelling with us and listened as I pined away (I'm sure I was whining) about my dream of being a full-time potter / designer / creative person and at least I was trying to believe that it was completely possible. Annemarie asked if I had read "the Secret". I had. I had also read Deepak Choprah's "Seven Spiritual Laws of Success", and "Follow Your Bliss and the MOney Will Come", and stacks upons stacks of spiritual books along the same lines. Books I wanted to believe and I certainly got something out of them but the messages weren't really sinking in.
Meanwhile, I was currently listening to Ekhart Tolle's "Power of Now" and a "A New Earth" which was beginning to have a profound affect on keeping me in the present moment and accepting and noticing where my thoughts and energies were focused. I was already spending little to no (mental) time and energy in the past. I had a rotten childhood. In January I took a memoir writing course. The exercise was a stirring one. It disrupted my present security that I had with myself. All of a sudden I was 9 years old again with a wicked stepfather and as I was "getting into character" it brought me back to the painful, hopeless and worthless feelings I had as a child. Ekhart Tolle's teaching helped me to realize there was no use in going there. He states "I have no use for the past except to learn from it". Brilliant. Simple and brilliant. I spent my entire twenties mourning my "lost" childhood and all the horrible things that had happened to me. Was it helpful?...I don't think so. I suppose it was a process I needed to go through but what really got me through it was visulaizing where I wanted to be! I got over it and gave it no more of my attention. If I start to daydream in the direction of bad memories I simply notice and turn my attention back to the present, to who I am today which IS a result of the life I had so I am grateful for all of my experiences...even the rotten ones.
So Annemarie suggested "The Teachings of Abraham" by Jerry and Esther Hicks. Also known as the Law of Attraction which apparently came before The Secret and is precisely what the Secret was based on. But The Secret did not have an impact on me and as Annemarie spoke of the "channeling" that Esther Hicks does to summon Abraham (which is not one being but a collective sort of being in an other but present universe) I rolled my eyes a bit at the hokey sounding-ness of it. Annemarie felt that she created her present situation from these teachings. She had the job she wanted and she went to great lengths visualizing herself there and really "feeling" what it was like to have this work in her life. She stressed that really feeling it was the key. Well, this was interesting enough to put in my cap. She also suggested that I take a few months off from work to figure it out. She said, "Handsomepants will support you!" and we all laughed. Then I quietly daydreamed about it...
A month and half later we were back at Annemarie's for dinner and I was more disenchanted than ever with what I was doing for work and longing more than ever to just create my pottery. But I was also trying to be present and make the most of my present situation. Annemarie sent me away with a couple of books; an audio book and DVD of Jerry and Esther Hicks. I started with the audio book "Law of Attraction...Attracting Money, Health and Wealth"...something like that. Within the first 10 minutes I thought it was all very hokey. But after "Abraham" was speaking through Esther Hicks for a while, I found it very engaging and profound. Abraham spoke with such clarity that it made so much sense! Finally something had really started to resonate with me. A-HA! Eureka! THIS is IT!
In a nutshell, your life is your thoughts and your feelings manifested! You are what you eat...you are what you think! I realized how I had been the creator of my entire adult life. Everything that I believed I deserved and was available to me I had...and not an ounce more. I noticed I had everything I had ever truly expected without a doubt. Everyhting that I truly believed I deserved and not an ounce more. So I decide to start upping the ante. I decided to expect more! Deservingly so and without any guilty negative thoughts around it. I stopped letting the word "but" get in the way. The word "but" is like a great BIG BUTT blocking you from what you really really want. "Oh i would love to work from home making pottery BUT how could I do that and maintain our lifestyle?". See how "But" immediately deflates you and blocks your path only because you said it? The word "how" was the next thing for me to get oujt of my thoughts and vocabulary. Ugh, this hurdle of a word...it's like getting caught up in the bramble when you just want to be on a clear path with a view of your final destination. Law of Attraction teaches you not to worry about the "How". Just see yourself where you want to be.
So a couple of months later I had the courage and confidence to turn in my resignation as Executive Director of a non-profit to pursue my passion. And here I am. "If one advances confidently in the direction of one's dreams and endeavors to live the life he has imagined, one will meet with a success unexpected in common hours"~Henry David Thoreau. Brilliant! I had some money saved but not much. I used a lot of it to buy more pottery supplies and equipment. I have a partner who can manage the household expenses for a few months without my monetary contributions. We agreed that we would not discuss money (and certianly NOT the lack of it) or speak of it aloud except in positive abundant ways for at least a 3 months.
The word "Potter" is not only one who makes pottery but also defined as "to putter" and "to move about aimlessly". I visualized and wanted to potter around for the summer. From House to Garden to Wheel. By "house" I mean I want to work on myself and my insides with health, meditation and exercise AND I want to get to those physical house projects we never had time for. I want to poke around in my gardens in the morning because this is communing just a bit with nature and I want to spend my afternoons at the Potter's Wheel doing work that is fun and fulfilling. Thank you Law of Attraction and Abaraham. I'm going to keep a log and list of all the things I have been visulaizing that are coming to me in leaps and bounds. It is ASTOUNDING!
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